Monday, January 22, 2007

Its one of those phases in life i guess...
Here I am, at 4.38am in the morning, with the world peacefully asleep around me, i'm wide-awake, both content yet disconcerted by the peace around me.

Like D said, it's awesome to have nothing to do, but it totally sucks to be unemployed.
I may have the luxury of sleeping when i want and waking up when i want, but i unfortunately am not earning a single cent all throughout that time i enjoy such a privilege.

Still no responses so far, and the way things are going, if anything's gonna happen, i'll only get employed after CNY.

Its funny though, on the outside it seems like i don't really have a care in the damn world. I do what i want, when i want, how i want and am answerable to no one.
Yet in the loneliness of the night, i lie in bed, looking up at the ceiling letting my thoughts pan out and drift around in front of my eyes, i'm haunted by the reality that i'm perhaps not as carefree as i seem to be when the world watches.
I don't want to sound noble coz i seriously think that's one of the last things on my list at the moment, to let my insecurities haunt me only when there's no one to judge me by it, so that the people i hold dear and care about me can still sleep in peace thinking i'm ay-okay, if i were that noble i probably would not be typing it all out on a public blog where everyone can view.
Yet that's exactly what people do with a blog don't they? They shout out their innermost whispers to the world, behind the anonymity of truetype fonts. And here i am, part of the status quo, telling my "Dear diary, today..." story to the keyboard, eyelids held up by my nocturnal epiphanies.
This insomnia is deeply troubling me. Only going to sleep when the world wakes up is only novel for a while, i've reached an age where i know there are better things i should be doing with my life, so being unconscious while the rest of the country is at its peak of productivity is not something i would consider hip. I need to get my life back, and get it in order.

Its funny then that i keep telling myself that the solution to my problems is that elusive call from a potential employer. I keep sending out my applications but i get no responses, and considering writing these cover letters is already enough of a chore to make it a dis-incentive. Its worse that it would seem that i'm running out of options so much so that the applications i'm sending out tend to be stuff i don't mind doing, but aren't entirely that interested, so much so i always seem to run out of words to say in my cover letter - which would mean i'm unable to convincingly sell myself in my cover letter and in turn suggests that i have lost half the battle for employment.
How ironic.

Let the waiting game begin. Whoever blinks first loses.

Dr@n|xX at 4:38 AM