Thursday, September 30, 2004

I am now reporting to you LIVE from "The Ultimate Idiot Awards". This episode unfortunately (or fortunately) has only 1 finalist. This idiot standing in front of me extolling the beauties of a knowledge-based economy when hell, i don't think he knows crud about it.
He tells me that we should not listen to everything he says as the word of God, hell, we should not even believe everything he says. He tells us we should challenge his perspectives, his opinions, but when u do, he pommels you with criticisms of your challenges. Hell, he's up to the point when you say something he WANTS to hear he hears it as if u're wrong so that he can tell you YOU'RE wrong, then he'll say the right one and feel good about himself. I was so irritated i then asked how different his answer was from mine, and he came up with a long cock and bull story on the perspective of things. I then told him that he used the exact words I used, and his head shrank to the size of his pinky, said "Oh, so you think your answer is correct?" as if trying to make a point, but when i casually (although by then dripping with sarcasm obvious for all to see/hear) ask what WAS the difference in our answers, he mutters something and quickly changes the subject. I never really paid attention in that class anyway, but somehow for the minute physical presence that i exhibited in that class, i believe he never looked in my direction for the rest of the class.
This chutia rambles on & on the "merits" of the knowledge-based economy, the DEmerits of the manufacturing era, the evil yet the ingenuity of Nokia, the wonders of Serangoon selling tomatoes at 2cents per kg on weekend evenings, the wonders of Sony Erricsson phones being innovative and giving Nokia a run for its money, his daughter dropping her old phone countless times so that she can finally convince her dad to get a Nokia phone like her other friends, his son reporting to the father about her dropping her phone so he can get in his dad's good books, and the fact that his daughter messages her friends with her hands outstretched over the balcony so that her fingers will slip and the phone will fall 2 floors down with a casual "oops". I swear very soon he'll move on to his sex life, and a horny dick i might be at times i sure as hell don't WANT to know HIS sex life.
I absolutely cannot believe some people actually f**king ENJOY his classes. Some people actually ENJOY going to his class and learn NOTHING, and then at the end of the day go to him and purr about how wonderful his teachings were in the hope of securing that (i assume since they resort to such methods) normally elusive A.

In the same class he gives the exact answer I gave yet tells me I'M wrong, earlier we had tangled on other issues. He showed us a powerpoint slide packed FULL of data, words, numbers, facts & figures and what not, and beams with pride saying "THIS is the future of presentations." I took a full 2 seconds for my retinas to resize to adjust to the lack of light due to the sheer amount of black words, lines, punctuation, numbers and what not seemingly absorbing the light from the room. The words seemed to be black holes for sound even as everyone else who normally didn't pay attention and filled the room either with idle chatter or frantic typing noises through chatting on MSN suddenly found their sound energy absorbed by those alphanumeric vortexes. Not to mention that biggest black (ASS)hole (so i'm racist in particular to him, so sue me?) was standing in front of the class with the smile draining away from his initial pride of doing a "TADA!" seemingly not achieving its affect on the class.
It would seem as though only inconspicuous people like me operate in voids, and in this emptiness i suddenly had the demonic strength to ask "Prof what you're telling us contradicts everything we've learnt in Basic Communications..." And in that 2 seconds before the prof gave his reply i somehow returned to everyone their energy to turn around and stare at me with the "God save your soul..." look. Yep, God had a funny sense of humour then.

Full of pride, he says "Yes, all that you've learnt in Basic Comms Skills is ...." somehow not finding the courage like i did to finish his sentence, but a smart alec in class did, and completed his sentence with the synonym of ox faeces. He quickly regained his pride and nodded his approval with a resounding "Yes". He goes on to extol on how the whole slide is self-contained, this figure links to that statistical table, this fact links to that, and this shit links that to that urine, and that piss links to this manure, and so on and so forth. Not content to let it go, he explains that it is more than likely in future when we work our Bosses are very busy people (Ah the first thing he said that made sense), so when they ask you to write a report and do a presentation, they're never gonna read your report coz they won't have the time, so u'll have to smash them out with your presentation so that either they don't NEED to read ur report, or that u'll make them WANT to read your report. Perhaps, but i just casually replied "In my internship company, my bosses told me the exact opposite though stemming from the same point, they're obviously busy people as well, and if they have no time to read the report, they wouldn't ask you to write one. Why waste your time writing a report no one will read?" Ooh i must've hit a soft spot then, as i helped him make up his mind to completely demolish me there and then.
Straightaway he asks me "How big was the company you worked for? What was its name?"
"International Flavors & Fragrances."
Perhaps he knew the company and knew he couldn't win on size, so he got personal.
"Then what was your position in the company? It wasn't very high right i'm sure?" (Note those were his exact words... i can never forget them... never.
"No, i was only an intern there."
"INTERN? How long were you there then?"
"Three months sir"
"ONLY THREE MONTHS?" I guess he was trying to tell me "No wonder, you insignificant little piece of shit, that'll teach you to challenge me in future you worthless mofo."
I would've blown up in that given situation even though i'd like to think i'm not temperamental contrary to what most of my friends think of me, but God acted then and shortened the leash. "Well i guess we've had different exposures sir, so i will not argue with you."
"So you see, your rank wasn't very high so maybe that's why they didn't ask you to write reports, but moving on...."

After class he promptly came to see me personally, and though he immediately stated that he wanted to understand where i was coming from because i went on the defensive in our "discussion" just now (u don't say, u f**kin demean me in front of 40 other people and you expect me not to BLOW UP??!?!?!?!)
So yeah, he continued to understand what i meant by exposure.
"You were an intern at IFF? What was your role exactly?"
"I was the understudy of the regional account manager there who held the Coca-Cola, Danone and San Miguel regional accounts. My role was to help her in many areas, of which one of the largest projects she gave me was the compile all of Coca-Cola's products in the Asia Pacific region. I was given alot of data, and i had to do research onto all of their products, even their seasonal ones like for example their special edition Coca-Cola drinks during the World Cups, all the way to their subsidiaries such as Qoo."

"And did you really have like reams and reams of data to go through?"
"I wouldn't say reams and reams of data, but for 3 months it would be sizeable"

"So it wasn't reams and reams of data then?"
"No i wouldn't say so sir"
"But how much could you do in just three months? Did they really make use of your work?"
"I do not know sir. I'd assume they'd not hire me just for fun, and if they did, it would mean that when they said they really appreciated my help, they were lying."
"I see, because my presentation method is definitely correct. The huge consulting firms such as MacKenzie and Boston Consulting - you heard of them?"
"Yes i have."
"Yes they are the ones who pioneered this presentation style. And their success would be testament to how perfect this style of presentation is, so if you say i'm wrong then you'd be saying they're wrong too."
"Well then perhaps its a difference in style then. I find it a counter-productive when a slide is packed with too much information as the audience will be spending too much energy trying to read the slide and not listen to me. I therefore prefer simple but pertinent points to insert in my slide to achieve maximum effect. Its called Microsoft PowerPOINT for a reason sir."
"No no no, you should realize that when your slide is so self-contained, it is perfect. I just want to understand where you're coming from see, because this presentation method is definitely the future."
I can't really remember the rest of the conversation because i could not pull the focus to even look at his face anymore. Thankfully he probably got tired of me or realize he needed to go home and check if there've been any developments at home so he could tell the class next week his daughter finally got a new phone or that he finally found tomatoes for 1c per kg at Punggol.
Makes me worry about the future some times. What on earth would i do if i actually meet a boss like that? This was only a 1 term course, and i could choose NEVER to take under him again. But if it were my boss? Sigh.......................

Exams are looming in 2 weeks. Projects are due now. And to make matters worse my piano diploma exam is just after my last paper. Meaning i won't have time to practice. Double sigh...

Dr@n|xX at 11:31 AM